Sardines, Shots, and Snogging

Katie and I got the pleasure of going on a field trip with the year five students since they needed extra hands. I should have suspected that it wouldn’t be anything like a normal field trip owing to the fact that nothing seems to be the same here in Italy; yet, the experience still managed to shock me. First of all, it was about a forty-five minute bus trip to the place, and I’m using the term bus very loosely here. You see school buses here are actually gigantic yellow conversion vans with seats that can only be described best as park benches. You pack as many students on as possible even if that means sitting on laps while the bus driver watches this amusing packing of sardines from outside while smoking at least one pack of cigarettes possibly two if he can fit it in. That’s right, apparently only in America are schools drug and tobacco free zones. Anyways, it took only about fifteen hair-pulling minutes to finally puzzle piece us all onto the bus before we managed to hit the road.

While traveling, the students decided to entertain the teachers with a fog-horn level rendition of We Will Rock You and some other beautifully loud Italian football chant songs. If I closed my eyes I could almost make myself believe I was at a sporting event rather than on a school field trip. If that wasn’t enough, I found myself rather nervously watching the bus driver, yes the cigarette fiend I mentioned before. You see the Scottish teacher took the seat next to him and was quickly drawn into an enthusiastic conversation. Not that I don’t condone conversation on a long trip, but the fact that the bus driver’s hands were found more often than not flailing in grand expression rather than on the steering wheel was rather nerve-racking to say the least. At some points he would turn his whole body to the Scottish teacher totally taking both hands and vision off the road. Arriving in one piece was no short of a victory, but exactly where had we arrived?

A farm? A museum? It turns out it was a little bit of both. In the barn was an antique Italian museum while outside there was the strangest combination of animals including rabbits, goats, peacocks, dogs, and a donkey. It turned out to be one of the student’s grandparent’s property which also had a luxurious house, patio/bar, pool, park, and summer house which belonged to said student in the summer. Yep, he has his very own summer house at the age of eleven. I guess I shouldn’t have been all that surprised since another student at the school lives in a castle. These kids have no idea how loaded they are. After we toured the museum and the farm it was time for lunch. While the children ate in the barn, the teachers sat out on a picnic table for lunch where the owners first brought out a bottle of wine, then another, and then, yes, another. I couldn’t believe I was sipping back wine with my students just in view. Apparently, it was pretty normal because the students didn’t bat an eye.

After lunch, the children were let into the park to play football(soccer), and the teachers were left with….yes, more alcohol. This time the owners brought out not just wine, but hard liquor. It was some special hard liquor that the owners had made themselves. Surreal does not even begin to explain the thoughts going through my mind as I sat drinking what I could only call Italian moonshine while on a “school field trip.” When the male teachers soon disappeared to the patio/bar for cigars, my jaw could no longer hold itself up, but that’s not even the real kicker. Our bus driver decided to take a break from his smokes long enough to indulge himself in a shot of moonshine himself. Between my spills of laughter with Katie, I could not help but count the lawsuits that would have followed if this had taken place in America. We were only interrupted by the fact that we were still teachers on duty when a few students reported that some classmates were kissing in the park. The fun and games had to be put on hold while we went on snogging patrol. Clearly, these Italian youngsters have learned from their older counterparts that feelings of affection are perfectly normal to publicly display even at the feeble age of eleven. Excuse me as I puke.

All in all, it was one hell of a field trip which is quite the understatement if you ask me. It’s no surprise that Katie and I quickly volunteered to go on any other field trip they needed extra teachers for. After all, it would be a shame to miss out on another educational field trip experience.